Family Guy Classics Othello
by Hank-o-holic
Summary: A wonderful reenactment of Willy Shakespeare's infamous story about a black guy and a white chick getting together and ending up in a whole lot of shit. Starring Cleveland Brown as Othello, Lois Griffin as Desdemona, Tom Tucker as Iago, and more!
1. Act 1

**Hank_o_Holic** Presents:

_Family Guy Classics_

**Othello**

**Cast **

_Shall be referred to by their actor names for the sake of convenience_

**Othello** - Cleveland Brown

**Desdemona** - Lois Griffin

**Iago** - Tom Tucker

**Cassio** - Glen Quagmire

**Emilia** - Joyce Kinney

**Roderigo** - Peter Griffin

**Bianca** - Connie D'Amico

**Brabantio** - Carter Pewterschmidt

**Duke of Venice** - Stewie Griffin

**Montano** - Joe Swanson

**Lodovico** - Chris Griffin

**Graziano** - Adam West

**Clown** - Herbert

**Musician** - Carl

**Let's Begin!**

_**Act Uno**_

_Venice, the late 16th Century_

"Come on Tom, be reasonable man..."

"I'm being perfectly reasonable Peter!"

"But isn't Cleveland your friend?"

"Bah! Friend? More like foe! I have no justifiable reason to even know a dirty moor like Cleveland. I work hard and expect to be rewarded. For heaven's sake I fought deadly battles with him! I should have been his lieutenant! But no! He picks a nerd like Quagmire! Someone who hasn't even picked up a sword!" Tom leaned against a wall, crossing his arms in anger. "Now look at me... my job involves holding a damn flag!"

"Well... that's not totally bad... I mean... yeah."

Tom continued, "that's what's wrong with the government today Peter... you get promoted based on whether somebody likes you... not whether you're supposed to."

"You could always quit."

"No... I can't do that... this job pays good, even though it sucks. Besides, I'm only serving him so I can get the best out of a bad situation. He trusts me... respects me... and I take it as if I'm innocent. But in all reality I'm taking advantage of him. I want what I deserve... and hopefully I'll get it."

"And how are you gonna do it?" Peter cocked his head as Tom had a light bulb.

"I have an idea."

...

Tom and Peter walk up to the window of Carter's mansion as Tom ushers Peter to make a call.

"HELP! CARTER! SOMEBODY! I NEED YOU!" Peter screamed, waving his arms around and jumping.

Silence...

"It's not working!" Peter exclaimed.

"Try something else!" Tom said.

"Alright..." Peter picked up a large rock and hauled it through the window, smashing the glass into a thousand pieces.

"Nice one." Tom smiled.

Carter grumbled and looked out the window to find the two.

"PETER! YOU FAT ASS! What the hell are you doing?"

"Hi Mr. Pewterschmidt, I just wanted to let you know that a black guy is humping your daughter." Peter flatly stated.

"What are you talking about?" Carter growled, "haven't I told you that you are not allowed around here? I should have you arrested!"

"It's okay Carter, he's with me." Tom assured.

"Oh... hello Tom. Nice seeing such a regal man... at this hour! Do you have any idea that I need this precious time for my beauty sleep?"

"I'm terribly sorry sir. We just wanted to report a thievery." Tom said.

"Thievery? This is Venice... I'm pretty sure we don't have that kind of trouble here."

"I'm talking about a thievery... of dignity!" Tom explained, "the moor Cleveland is sleeping with your daughter! She's throwing her life away with a dirty man who's going to destroy your family!"

"WHAT? Dear God! Now I get it! Thank you good sir, I'll send guards immediately!" Carter left.

Tom turned to Peter, "okay... I need to leave for now. It's bad enough he'll be all over this case, without him finding out that I'm working against Cleveland. Just stay here and lead them to the moor."

"Where's he at right now?"

"The Sagittarius Inn. Good luck!"

Tom ran off just as Carter had a small collection of troops alongside him.

"Okay Peter... I'm going to trust your judgment. This better not be any of your silly tricks. I know how you fancied her in the past."

"Trust me Mr. Pewterschmidt, I've forgotten all about it. I just still care about her you know... she needs to be safe with the right man... even though that isn't me."

"Peter I'd rather you have Lois than some despicable moor."

...

_At the Sagittarius Inn_

"Oh Cleveland... you know I could never kill a man!"

"I understand Tom, you are a good man, with mercy inside you."

"I know but... the battle in Cyprus is going to drive me insane! I don't think I could go through with it!"

"There are ways to end a war without violence."

"Hopefully you can say that with the thought of Carter ripping you to pieces over his daughter."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just... Carter is a powerful man. Hell, he's as powerful as the Duke! He could destroy you without so much as a single thought!"

"Let him. I've done a lot for Venice, enough to throw all anger and resent under the table. Besides, Lois is my soul mate. I love her with the passion and truth that can only come from the most righteous of men."

Lights began appearing from far away.

"Hey... who's coming?" Cleveland asked, scratching his mustache.

"It's Quagmire!" Tom exclaimed, only to sneer to himself.

"Oh good!"

Quagmire walked up with several guards.

"What's up buddy?" Cleveland smiled.

"The Duke needs to see you right away!" Quagmire huffed, wiping sweet from his brow, "it's about Cyrus."

"Oh do tell. Well I might as well-"

"STOP!" yelled Carter in the distance.

Tom cowered, "oh shit."

Carter stormed up with Peter and his own collection of guards, "Seize him!"

"Whoa whoa whoa! What's going on here fellas?" Cleveland opening his arms.

"You've stolen my daughter! WHERE IS SHE? You used magic on her didn't you? After rejecting all the handsomest men in Venice, did you really think she'd willingly and rationally go to a tired, ugly creature such as yourself?"

"Talk about _ouch_." Peter whispered to a guard.

"Now just a minute. Come on Carter. You're a good man, you don't need to do this. If I've done any kind of crime I'll gladly go without resistance, but I assure you I haven't. Besides, the Duke needs me right now."

"The Duke eh?" Carter pondered, "he's on my side. Okay Cleveland, let's go to him! If anything he's the perfect one to eliminate you after what you've done."

...

_The Duke's place_

"These ships don't look very appealing. I mean, we've done all we can with them, but they just don't bring out the awesomeness that is Venice." The Duke explained, looking at blueprints and designs.

"Um sir, with all due respect, I don't think that the ship's outer appearance will be of any significance at all during the battle." mentioned a Senator.

"But still! We're trying to run a wonderful society here! We need color & lively men! Yes! Can't forget about our men! We need guys who can strut their stuff if you know what I mean."

Cleveland, Carter, Tom, Peter, & Quagmire all enter.

"Well, speak of the devil." The Duke grinned.

"Forgive me your grace but I need you at once! Something terrible and unspeakable has happened!"

"What's up?"

"It's my daughter!"

"Is she dead?"

"No."

"Did she unknowingly release a virus on her Windows 7?"

"This is the 16th Century."

"Did she actually find _Wilfred_ funny?"

"Hey I like that show!" Peter called.

"NO! Just listen sir please!" Carter yelled, "She's been tricked into falling into the trap that is Cleveland Brown! The moor has kidnapped her and forced himself onto her against her will!"

"Ewwww... is this true Cleveland?"

"Sir, if I may, this has gotten completely out of hand. Yes, I have taken this man's daughter, but it wasn't by magic or deceiving, but by love. We're married. That's all. I may not be the strongest speaker or the smoothest in decent conversation about little things, but I am an honest man of my word. I've fought great battles, led armies, and won the hearts of many. But don't let me speak for myself."

"Indeed. Why don't we bring Lois in here to help this matter." The Duke contemplated, feeling the need for proper duty.

"That's just it. Where is she?" Carter yelled.

"She's safe Mr. Pewterschmidt." Cleveland bowed. "Tom! Please go get her, you know where she is."

As Tom left, Cleveland continued. "If granted permission, may I tell the story of how I met Carter's wonderful daughter?"

"Go ahead man, I'm bored as it is here, I love a good story."

"Thank you." Cleveland cleared his throat. "Carter and I have seen better times, for he had often invited me over to his house to have dinner and discuss all the adventures I had taken in my travels. The fantastic mountains and valleys, the harsh unforgiving seas of Europe, the dramatic struggles of keeping men alive through terrible conditions and lowly peoples who eat their own kind. As I spoke of this, there was Lois, listening to me with great attentiveness. She'd pull me aside and beg me to tell her more about my younger times and loved it to death. She would sign and think about how she always wanted a man like me. So... she thought about me. I admired her emotional response to my life, and she admired my good-natured spirit. We were meant to be. This is the only witchcraft that I have used, nothing more, nothing less."

Tom and Lois barged in, as she ran up and hugged Cleveland.

"Awww, that's kinda nice. You should take note of this Carter, you might have a good thing here." The Duke closed his hands as he sighed.

"Not until she speaks! Come here darling, tell me, who do you obey?" Carter held Lois' hand gently.

"I'm sorry Daddy, but even though you've given me life and love and a wonderful childhood, I have to obey Cleveland. He is my husband, and I am his wife. I owe him just as you're wife had to abandon her father to owe you."

Carter took a step back and finally took a deep breath, "well, I can't say I approve but... fine. Cleveland, I'm giving you my blessing. Don't fuck this up!"

"I promise, that's the very last thing I want to do. She is everything to me."

The Duke clapped his hands happily. "Well then, now that that's all done, we should really be getting back to business. Cleveland, the reason I sent you here was to address the issue of the war. The Turks are heading for Cyprus with unimaginable force, and beautifully decorated ships! But... design aside, we need your knowledge of battle strategies and such. You're our only hope!"

"Don't worry good sir, I have this taken care of. Though I really need to ask you something."

"Yes Cleveland?"

"It's about my wife. I need to make arrangements so that she receives the highest care possible."

"Why don't you stay with your father?" The Duke asked Lois.

"Oh no... that wouldn't be right."

"Yeah." Carter added, "I need to begin clearing out her room and turning it into a home gym... gotta keep those muscles in shape!"

"So what do you want then?" The Duke questioned.

"Well... I've in love with Cleveland, so it's only fair that I stay with him." Lois held on to her husband's arm.

"I'll take good care of her. It's not like I want her near for sex. I'm a bit too old and... un-plugged, to continue with such desires. With me, she'll have protection, and I'll tend to her hand and foot."

"That's fine." The Duke waved off, "you can decide on your own time. Right now we need to focus on the war! That's our top priority right now."

"Of course." Cleveland spoke.

"You're scheduled to leave tonight. " A senator added.

"Fine with me. Tom, take Lois with you, give her what she needs. I know your wife will keep her company. Bring her back to me as soon as possible." Cleveland asked.

"No problem."

"Alright. Time to go to bed." The Duke stood up and bowed, "oh and Carter... remember: if virtue no delighted beauty lack, your son-in-law is far more fair than black."

"Oh yeah, like I haven't heard that one before." Carter rolled his eyes.

As everyone left for the rest of the night, Tom pulled Peter aside, who looked glum.

"What's wrong friend?" he asked, patting his back.

"I'm going to go drown myself."

"Hey that's nice, it's okay to talk about suicide."

"It's not funny! I still love her Tom! How can I go on living knowing that the one woman I hold dear is with another man?"

"You're talking crazy... all this about drowning. Drown cats and blind puppies!"

"...Jesus Tom."

"Look, I have your back - you know that. Here's what you'll do: sell all your land and you'll be rich! If I know anything, it's that Lois will grow tired of Cleveland and go for a younger man. She's still a young woman you know... she has a strong, sexual drive! It's bad enough she has to even contemplate sharing the same bed with and old man like that, let alone being a Wonderland for his Alice."

"So, you'll think she'll fall for me because I'm rich and young?"

"You're damn right!"

"Okay... I'll do it!"

"Wonderful!"

Peter ran back home as Tom chuckled evilly to himself.

"I think this calls for an evil monologue... nah' it's late. I'm tired."

_**End of Act Uno**_

_Wow... what a strange choice for a parody. Having read __Othello__ not long ago when I was still a Junior, I became so familiar with the story that (just for fun) I casted a selection of "Family Guy" characters and had the idea to make a parody. Having finished __Cycles of Life__ I was due to begin another story. The only difference is that this one will be significantly shorter. _

_Shakespeare? Hell yeah!_

_**Hank_o_Holic**_


	2. Act 2

**Othello**

...

**Let's Continue!**

_**Act Dos**_

_The Island of Cyprus_

"Do you see anything yet Joe?" called a senator as the two peered across the ocean from the shores of the island.

"Uh... nope! Nothing. It's so crazy out there that I wouldn't be surprised if the Turks postponed their attack."

"Perhaps they've drowned?"

"Well... we can't rule out that either."

"It's over! IT'S OVER!" exclaimed another senator as he ran up to Joe.

"What's over?"

"The war! The Turks fleet was destroyed in the intense ocean storm! They're all dead!"

"YEAH!" Joe wheeled happily in a circle, before abruptly stopping. "Wait... what about Cleveland? And his friends and wife?"

"I'm sure he's alright sir."

"I sure hope so. You know I served under him... he's a smart man."

Just then, Quagmire walked up. "Hey Joe!"

"Quagmire! Hello! Have you heard about Cleveland?"

"I have no idea, I lost sight of him. But his ship is very sturdy, I'm positive it will hold."

"A SAIL! A SAIL!" yelled one of the senators.

Everybody turned as a large Venetian ship approached the shore.

"Is that him?" Joe asked.

"No... it's Tom and Cleveland's wife." Quagmire replied.

"Lois?"

"Yeah."

Descended the ship was indeed Tom and Lois, along with Peter and Tom's wife, Joyce.

Quagmire politely walked up and kissed Lois' hand. "Greetings my lady! I hope the dear wife of the great Cleveland Brown is doing well."

"My my aren't you a gentlemen... I'm fine thank you Quagmire. Have you heard from him?"

"I'm sorry I haven't. I lost him during a storm."

"Oh my God..."

"We have sail!" yelled a senator from afar.

"Hey! There he is!" Joe smiled.

As some of the senators left to greet Cleveland, Quagmire continued his hellos.

"Tom! Good to see you man!" the two shook hands.

"Likewise." Tom followed in a fake manor.

"And who could forget the misses? You're looking beautiful as always!" Quagmire kissed Joyce's hand.

"Oh my... thank you." Joyce blushed.

"Sorry about the smooching Tom, it's kind of a thing we do where I come from."

"Hey man... if she gave as much lip to you as she does me, you'd be sick of her by now." Tom scowled, causing Joyce to stick out her tongue.

"Come now Tom... Joyce is a dear." said Lois.

"Pff... she's a chatterbox. I swear to God she's so annoying that I feel like my ears are bleeding. It's when she's in front of you guys that she's all nice and good."

"That's not true!" Joyce exclaimed.

"Oh you women are all the same: pretty as pictures in the open, but behind closed doors you just make noise. You do subpar jobs as housewives and you're just terrible in bed."

"Oh fuck this!" Lois yelled, raising her hands in resentment.

"It's right as rain."

"So that's it..." Joyce said, "you have nothing good to say about me? Your wife?"

"Uh, let me se... no."

"What about me?" asked Lois.

"Nothing."

"Come on... just make up something."

"I don't have anything... I will say this... the most perfect of women are only good for raising babies and clipping coupons from the Sunday paper."

"Do you hear this man Quagmire?"

"Eh... he's a soldier first and a wise man second."

Tom pooched his lip and looked away.

"Tell me Quagmire... do you have anything good to say about me?" Lois asked as he took her hand in an innocent gesture.

"Yeah! Let's hear it." Joyce added, grinning big.

"Alrighty..."

_That's right Quagmire... take her hand and woo her. If Cleveland sees this, you'll be fired and I'll get to be his right-hand man! It's all part of the plan_. Tom thought to himself, sinister.

"Hold up Quagmire, Cleveland's finally coming over!" Tom interrupted, causing everyone to look in the said direction.

"My goddess!" Cheered Cleveland as he ran up to hug Lois.

"My hero." She replied as they kissed passionately.

"Isn't this great?! The war is over, and everyone is safe and sound!" Cleveland grinned.

"Indeed! We should celebrate!" Lois suggested.

"Yeah! There's a lovely castle here in Cyprus. They love me here, and they'll love you too. Tom! Please get my bags, we're partying tonight!" Cleveland exclaimed as everybody smiled happily.

While the two & Joyce left to do fun things, Tom pulled Peter aside.

"Okay... you sold that land right?"

"Yes!"

"Good... here's what we'll do next. Quagmire is on guard duty tonight. Lois is in love with him Peter... she loves him so much."

"What?! NO!"

"Don't panic! Remember, she only loves Cleveland because of his stories and bravery, but that gets old. She's going to want a younger man in time. And what do you know? Quagmire's just that man... she's got her eye on him already."

"Really? That's so unlike her."

"No it isn't! Did you see her playing finger-fencing with his hands?"

"Well yeah but... he was just being polite."

"You fool! It was lust! Listen to me... if you want Lois, you need to do something to get Quagmire angry tonight. Get wasted or say something about his chin or whatever. He screws up his welcome, Lois abandons him, and she's all yours. You got that?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Now I need to get Cleveland's things, meet me in a while at the citadel."

"See you buddy." Peter trudged away, looking down at the ground."

Tom simply walked away, chuckling.

"You can never see the end of an evil plan until the moment comes."

...

_At the party_

"Alright Quagmire, keep a good watch on the guards. I want a nice clean party, not one of those wild, Spring Break type wahoos." Cleveland ordered Quagmire as Lois and him enjoyed the night.

"Don't worry buddy, I got this."

"Good. Come Lois, let's go back and pleasure ourselves to food."

Just then, Tom walked in.

"Hey Tom. Remember we have guard duty tonight."

"Yeah yeah. You do know that Cleveland's just setting us out early so he can spend more time with his wife."

"Oh really? Sounds about right. She's a beautiful woman."

"Hell yeah, and probably good in bed too."

"Giggity!"

"And her eyes... so full of color and life."

"True. But remember Tom, she's also proper and sophisticated. Not every day you see women like that."

"Indeed. Well, enough of this admiring, come on! Peter and I were just enjoying ourselves to fresh wine. You gotta join us." Tom attempted to begin his plan.

"Oh heavens no! I don't drink alcohol."

"WHAT?! Fooie... they're our friends, you don't want to disappoint them. Just one wine."

"No. Besides I've already had a glass... watered-down; I'm not a heavy-drinker."

"Come on! This is a night of celebration! You know deep down you want to."

Quagmire looked around unsurely and sighed, "ugh... fine, but I won't enjoy it."

"Sure you will." Tom snickered to himself, reveling in bringing out Quagmire's wild side.

...

Peter and Tom brought in several glasses and liter-bottles of wine. Joe was there as well.

"Goodness! That's a lot." Quagmire jumped in surprise.

"Oh this? It's nothing." Tom smiled.

"Yeah!" Peter added, not drunk.

Quagmire sniffed the beverage, hesitated, and took a shot. "Oh wow... that's good!"

"Due tell! Have some more!" Tom offered.

"Hey hey! Don't hog it all!" Joe complained, grabbing his own bottle.

Quagmire had three more drinks. "What's in that stuff?"

"Um... cranberries and grapes." Peter looked at the back.

"AWESOME!" Quagmire singed as he drank five more; by now he was getting wasted.

Tom laughed as Quagmire stumbled about, checking his watch. "Whoa! I gotta... gotta... get back to... to... to... guard duty!"

"Don't you think you should lie down? You've had a lot to drink." Joe suggested.

"Nah... I'm... I'm... I'm good." Quagmire slurred as he trudged back to his post.

Tom glared and turned to Joe. "You see that? What kind of man gets so drunk that he can't walk... it's a shame Cleveland trusts him. Who knows what kind of trouble he could get into."

"He's not seriously like that is he?" Joe asked in concern.

"Definitely. He drinks every night before he goes to bed, it's like a drug."

"That's sad."

Tom turned to Peter and quickly whispered in his ear. "Remember the plan, follow him!"

As Peter ran off, Joe continued. "Shouldn't we alert Cleveland that his second-in-command is not fit to lead?"

"No no... it wouldn't be right. See I respect Quagmire despite his poor drinking habits, is worst comes to worst we can always-"

"HELP! HELP!"

"What's that?" Joe 'jumped'.

"I don't know... it sounds like Peter!" Tom replied as he saw Peter being chased by Quagmire.

"You son of a bitch! Get back here and face me!" Quagmire yelled, raising his fist.

"Quagmire! What's gotten in to you?!" Joe exclaimed.

"That fat bastard thinks he can give me his words... I'll bash his friggin' skull!"

"You need to stop now!" Joe tried to restrain Quagmire, only to be beat up something fierce.

"Quick Peter!" Tom whispered, "tell everyone there's a riot! Go!"

Peter ran off screaming and waving his arms as Cleveland walked up with some soldiers.

"The hell's going on here?!" Cleveland questioned, pulling the two apart.

"I... I can't feel my face!" Joe sobbed, holding onto his bleeding temple, "I'm going to kill him!"

"Stop this insanity! What are we, Turks? The next person to swing a fist gets sent to death! I MEAN IT." Cleveland stomped his foot. "What happened Tom?"

"I don't know... we were just having some drinks and laughs and then all of a sudden Quagmire began chasing Peter and got in a fight with Joe."

"What? I don't believe it! Is this true Joe?" Cleveland turned to his bleeding comrade.

"Sir, I was only acting in self-defense... ouch!" Joe shook.

"Quagmire... what the fuck man?! You're usually so calm and collected."

"I... I can't speak."

"That's bull shit. You need to be taught a lesson... I'm very disappointed in you!"

Tom walked up, "sir... if I may, let me just say that I would never lie about what just happened. But... Quagmire is a good guy: sometimes even the most sophisticated of men can lose their cool. Don't belittle him for it."

"Oh Tom... you're a good man, and I know you have a fond relationship with Quagmire but... I can't allow these things to happen." Cleveland turned to Quagmire, "I'm sorry Glenn... but you are no longer my officer. I'm stripping you of your position."

"But... but Cleveland-"

"No... silence. I'm going back to bed... or all we know, you could have awoken my dear wife! Tom, see to it that Joe's wounds are healed, and calm the townspeople."

"You got it."

As Cleveland walked away, Tom turned and patted Quagmire's back. "I'm truly sorry. This is an unfortunate event. Are you alright?"

"No... but it's not like any doctor could fix me."

"Cheer up now, don't say that."

"It's true! I single-handedly destroyed my reputation! It was all I had!"

"Actually, I was referring to physical pain... don't worry about reputation, it's immaterial."

"I can't!"

"Look, you're sorry for what you did right? Why don't you just ask Cleveland for your position back?"

"Why would a noble gentlemen like him take a worthless, drunk like me?"

_Oh I am just too good at this!_ Tom thought, "Well... maybe it doesn't have to go _exactly_ like that."

"What do you mean?" Quagmire asked, scratching his head.

"You and Lois have a wonderful, friendly relationship. If you really want your job (and your reputation) back, you just need to ask her to ask him! They are so devoted to each other that this entire mess will be kicked under the bed and you'll be a much better man that you ever were before!"

"Wow... that's... brilliant!"

"You know me."

"Of course! I'll go to her first thing in the morning!"

"That's the spirit! Now go home and rest... you're going to need it."

Quagmire ran off with a big grin on his face as Tom did a victory dance.

"All I have to do now is make Cleveland think Lois is helping Quagmire out of lust! It won't be easy... but I bet I can make it work!"

Peter walked up, rubbing a bruise.

"AH! Hello again buddy!"

"I can't do this anymore."

"... what?"

"I'm pooped... I want to go back to Venice! I'm broke... and I got beaten up! Maybe I should try online dating."

"Oh come off it! You're just being impatient! This plan WILL work, you just need to give it time to grow and prosper." I mean... we're off to a good start."

"Ugh... yeah, you're right."

"Of course I am... now go home and get some rest. We've wasted the entire night."

_**End of Act Dos**_

_Things are kicking up now! Will Lois help Quagmire in his hour of need? How much farther is Tom willing to go? Will Peter get the girl? If you don't already know "Othello"... find out next time!_

_**Hank_o_Holic**_


	3. Act 3

**Othello**

...

**Onward!**

_**Act Tres**_

_Outside Othello's manor_

Quagmire looked happily at the window of what must have been Lois' room.

He turned to his fellow musician, "okay Carl, you can begin. Play something nice, not crazy, and I'll pay you."

"Good deal." Carl replied, blowing into his flute as Quagmire walked away. At that moment, a clown, Herbert, slowly walked over.

"Wow... you're instrument has a bit of a sting to it." he joked.

"I'm sorry?" Carl said.

"What is that? A flute?"

"Yeah."

"Oh that explains a lot."

"What does?"

"Well, Cleveland likes your music, but he's not really in the mood for music and wants you to stop."

"Uh... okay."

"Now... if you have music that can't be heard, play that."

"What? I'm pretty sure that there's no such thing as silent music."

"Of course there is! Wind."

"Wind?"

"Yeah... you can hear it... but often times its so soft that it can't be heard."

"I think I get it. Not really."

"Then get lost!"

"Fine... I'll go see a movie, too bad they don't exist yet."

Carl slinked away as Herbert began dancing randomly.

Quagmire came back. "Hey... where's Carl."

"Oh... he left."

"I see... well then, if you see anyone, tell them I need to speak with Lois."

"No worries good sir! I believe that Joyce may be awake, maybe she'll be available."

"Alright! That's even better!"

Herbert walked away as Tom appeared, this startled Quagmire.

"Hey! Good to see you Tom!"

"Dude... have you been awake this whole time?"

"Yeah! I really need to see Lois ASAP. Herbert mentioned that your wife may be awake. I know she's a servant and friend to Lois."

"Of course... I'll go send her over."

"Thanks."

Tom opened the door and pointed Joyce in the direction of his friend. She grinned as she ran over.

"Hi Quagmire! Sorry about what happened to you yesterday."

"Oh it's no big deal... in fact, I was wondering if you could help me?"

"How so?"

"I need to speak to Lois pronto! Is she awake?"

"Yep! Here, let me take you where she is."

...

"I'll try my very hardest Quagmire!" Lois replied, clasping her hands together.

"I really appreciate this girls... I just want my old job back. I miss working for Cleveland!"

"Cleveland still very much likes you Quagmire." Joyce said, "we'll make this work."

"Wow... I am in your debt." Quagmire bowed.

"It's no trouble." Lois smiled.

"But I must say I'm afraid that someone will already be in line for my position..." Quagmire frowned.

"Don't worry. I'll be on Cleveland's case night and day, until he finally agrees to have you back as his second-in-command. He won't even get to sleep without me pleading to him for you."

"Hey! I hear him coming with my husband!" Joyce peered into the hall.

"Oh! I must be going then!" Quagmire jumped.

"Why don't you stay and talk with him right now?" Lois asked.

"No no... it wouldn't be right at this point. I'll see you around!"

As Quagmire ran off, Cleveland glanced curiously in his direction. "Hey... wasn't that Quagmire?"

"Maybe." Tom simply spoke.

"Oh hello honey!" Lois gleamed, "I was just talking to your friend Quagmire."

"So it was him... why?"

"He's devastated sweetie! All he wants is his job back. You must give it to him!"

"Uh... not right now."

"Okay... but soon?"

"Of course, for you my love."

"How about during dinner tonight?"

"Nah..."

"What about tomorrow?"

"I don't think so."

"Well what about the next day... or the day after that? Or the day after the day after that? He's really sorry Cleveland! He only asks that you find it in your heart to hire him as soon as possible! Quagmire is a good man! Honest! He needs you!" He-"

"Jesus! Relax! I'll get to it eventually okay!"

"... don't think that this is an obligation."

"I don't expect it to be. I'll do anything for you."

"Okay then... see you tonight dear."

"Bye honey." Cleveland kissed Lois before she and Joyce walked off. Tom thought now was as good a time as any to execute part of his plan.

"Sir?"

"Yes Tom?"

"Does Quagmire know of all this lovey-dovey stuff you do with Lois?"

"Of course! Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

"Come now... there's got to be one. It's such an odd question."

"Just curiosity. I was surprised he knew her personally."

"Yeah, he sent messages back and forth to her before."

"Really?"

"Yes really! What's wrong with that? He's honest."

"Honest?"

"Goodness gracious! What's gotten in to you? You're all jumpy and with the questions and such! It's like you're hiding something. If you're my friend you'd tell me what's up."

"I am your friend aren't I?"

"For many years. That's why I know you so well. Usually you speak clearly and with rationality and understanding, it's these pauses and odd questions that are throwing me off."

"I understand. I'm just thinking that it's safe to call Quagmire honest."

"Yes... yes it is."

"People should be what they appear to be. And if they don't (like if they're not honest), then they should appear differently."

"Makes sense."

"In that case, I think Quagmire is honest."

Cleveland raised an eyebrow, "Alright... something _is_ up! If you were a true friend you'd tell me!"

"Oh please don't ask me to do that sir. I'm still under your command, but I shouldn't have to tell you my deepest, darkest secrets. Let me just say I have some fantasies that are better kept in my noodle."

"In that case I don't think you're being a good friend at all! You better tell me!"

"I can't! I might be wrong in my thoughts. I have a tendency to think stupid things about different people. It's who I am."

"Well no matter what I'm going to find out!"

"Let me just say this... beware of jealousy. It's a terrible monster that taunts the prey it feeds on. A man can still love a cheating wife, because at least he isn't friends with the man. And a man who believes his wife may be wronging him will still love her, abet with skepticism."

Cleveland began to catch on to Tom's words. "What is this about? Do you think my wife is cheating on me?"

"I didn't say that."

"You're hinting it! If I knew my wife was cheating on me with another man, I'd look for proof first... then I'd go about with love & jealousy."

"Well that is fantastic news..." Tom finally had him, "truth is, I did have one big secret that I wanted to tell you."

"I'm listening."

"Watch out for Quagmire... watch what he does with your wife when she's around... watch. But don't be obvious! I don't want to see you be taken advantage of by anyone."

"Really? Quagmire? Would Lois lie to me like that?"

"Hey, she lied to her father about her love with you. Anything's possible."

"... yeah."

"You seem depressed about this."

"A little."

"Well don't be! Don't take what I said too seriously, there will be terrible consequences if you do."

"I won't. I really don't believe that Lois is cheating."

"Let's hope so."

"Well then... carry on with your business Tom, I want to be alone."

"Very well friend."

Tom began to walk away, but overheard Cleveland talking with himself.

"Why did I marry?"

"If I may." Tom returned, "don't think about this anymore. Let time do its job. Quagmire is a talented man, and I believe that you should hire him back. But right now... ignore him. Just watch how he acts. Watch how Lois will continue to bug you about him. That will tell you all that you'll need to know."

"I'll figure it out."

"Great." Tom walked away, looking to see that Lois & Joyce were walking their way. He smiled dastardly.

_Maybe he's right. Maybe Lois is not who she seems... if so, I'll have to send her away. This is tearing me apart!_ Cleveland thought, holding the wall in emotional pain.

"What's wrong dear?" Lois asked in concern.

"I have a headache."

"Here... take my handkerchief! It'll relieve the pain." Lois pulled it out and began to place it on his head, to which Cleveland swiped it away on to the ground.

"No! I'll be fine. Let's just go to dinner."

"Fine." Lois sighed as she helped him along.

Joyce simply took notice of Lois' handkerchief and picked it up. "Tom wanted this... this was the first gift Cleveland ever gave to this wife. It's really pretty! I'll copy the pattern and give the real one to Tom... why he wants it I'll never know."

...

Joyce poked her head into the doorway of Tom's room, where he was sleeping. She simply pooched her lip and walked over, touching his hair.

"Hey you!"

"What?" Tom grumbled.

"I have a thing for you!"

"...you have a thing for me? Well... it's a common thing-"

"Say what?"

"-To have a foolish wife!"

Joyce simply giggled, "is that so? Well what do you have to say about this handkerchief?"

"Handkerchief? What are you talking about?"

"The one you wanted silly!"

"You actually stole it?"

"Yeah! Well... not really. Lois dropped it and I picked it up. See?" Joyce gave the item to Tom, who placed his palm over the decorations. He grew ecstatic.

"You are amazing!" Tom began kissing Joyce passionately and the two made love.

_If I get this to Quagmire's place and Cleveland discovers it's there... everything will go according to plan!_ Tom thought.

...

The next morning, Tom went to see Cleveland, who was fuming frantically.

"It's so obvious now! She's cheating on me!" he yelled.

"You're not still on that now are you?" Tom asked before Cleveland suddenly pushed Tom to a wall and placed his sword to his throat.

"Da fuck?!" Tom exclaimed.

"YOU DID THIS! You filled my head with all these news and thoughts... my life was going smoothly until you had to tell me Lois might be cheating on me with Quagmire!"

"Hey! I only told you out of friendship! I don't want to see you get hurt!"

"I'm already hurt! And you'll be next! I swear!"

"Calm down, please let me go!" To which Cleveland did.

"I want proof Tom! PROOF! Give me one bit of evidence for Lois's betrayal of my love!"

"Well... I overheard a conversation the two had not long ago."

"Yeah... AND?"

"Lois was so horny! She was all 'oh Glenn! Make love to me! I want to feel you!' and he was all 'giggity!' And let's not forget that handkerchief."

"What handkerchief?"

"Lois gave him your prized handkerchief. You know, the very first present you gave to her."

"My precious gift?! She gave it away! That bitch! That whore! I'LL FUCKING RIP HER APART!" Cleveland threw his hands into the air and trembled.

"Oh heavens! Relax man!"

At that moment, Cleveland had a miniature stress-seizure.

Tom laughed with much cruelty (Cleveland couldn't hear him anyway). "I've done it! I got him! Nothing can stop me now!"

Cleveland finally managed to recover, to which Tom pretended to care about his well-being.

"Are you alright man?!" he asked.

"Just a seizure... I get them often when I'm stressed or really angry." Cleveland stood up and looked Tom in the eye. "I want blood Tom Tucker... kill Quagmire for me."

"You got it. He's no longer my friend. But I'll let Lois live."

"BAH! I'll take care of her myself! Tom, you're my second-in-command now. Forget Quagmire!"

"It shall be done. Within three days, he'll be no more!"

"Thank you Tom! I knew I could count on you."

...

_Lois' room._

"Where do you think it could be Joyce?" Lois asked in concern, looking all over the place.

"I'm not sure Lois... you're handkerchief could be anywhere! It's so light." Joyce lied.

"Oh my God! I'd rather lose a million dollars than lose my precious gift!"

"Maybe Cleveland knows, he's coming right now." Joyce pointed to a peeved-looking Cleveland.

"Honey!" Lois ran up to him.

"Hi Lois."

"How are you?"

"Fine... and you?"

"I'm okay. But I must ask you-"

"Have you seen the handkerchief?"

"Let's focus on Quagmire right now."

"No, I have a cold, I need it."

"But you promised to meet him today!"

"Never mind that! The handkerchief please."

"Here's one."

"No the one I gave you."

"I don't have it."

"What? How could you not have it?! Don't you remember how valuable it is?"

"If it's so valuable then I wish I hadn't owned it."

"That's crazy talk! I gave it to you out of love! How could you lose it?"

"I don't know!"

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I didn't lose it!"

"WELL THEN WERE THE HELL IS IT?!"

"Don't yell at me!"

"I want the handkerchief now!"

"I'll find it in a minute, just give Quagmire his job back!"

"Give me the handkerchief."

"He's a good man!"

"The handkerchief!"

"If you'd just listen to him!"

"THE HANDKERCHIEF!"

"Now you're just being pissy."

"FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!" Cleveland stormed out and slammed the door.

"Whoa... somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Joyce teased.

"I swear Joyce I've never seen him like this before. It's as if he was a totally different person!"

"That's just how men are... you give them a year or two and you'll crack their code. We're just food to them."

Tom and Quagmire entered the room.

"Hi Quagmire!" Lois greeted.

"Hey Lois! What has Cleveland said?"

"I'm sorry... this hasn't been a good time to bring it up. Cleveland's really mad."

"He's mad?" Tom pondered in a fake manor, "how can Cleveland get mad? He's usually so calm and collected."

"I have no idea." Lois replied.

"If anything I'll go see what's the matter." Tom and Quagmire walked away.

"Please!" Lois called, before laying back in frustration. "I bet it has to do with politics, men get pissy about that kind of stuff like it was a religion to them."

"I'm pretty sure that explains everything." Joyce agreed.

...

_In a sleazy street corner._

Connie was checking her nails when Quagmire walked up. She immediately sprang to life.

"Hi Glenn!" she cheered.

"Whoa! Didn't see you there gorgeous. I was just on my way to see you."

"Ditto. You've been gone an awful long time now. I don't like waiting."

"I'm sorry Connie, I've just been in a lot of shit with problems of my own. If anything I hope this makes up for it." Quagmire handed Connie the infamous handkerchief.

"Oh my God it's beautiful! Wait a minute... another woman gave this to you didn't she?"

"What? No! You're acting crazy!"

"Then where did you get it? Hmmm?"

"I found it in my room. The strangest thing. But no matter, have fun with it, but don't come to see me for a while okay?"

"What?! You're leaving again?"

"I'm meeting somebody and I don't want to be seen with a woman... especially a prostitute."

"Oh have it your way! But thanks again for the gift."

"No problem sweetie."

_**End of Act Tres**_

_Uh huh... the plot thickens! What will Cleveland do about Lois? When will Peter get his dues? How far is Tom from total victory? Only two more acts to go!_

_**Hank_o_Holic**_


	4. Act 4

**Othello**

...

**Still More to Come!**

_**Act Cuatro**_

_The Depths of Othello's manor_

Tom was running through the halls frantically looking for Quagmire. He eventually found him sitting near the door to Cleveland's room. He took a deep breath and walked over. He could hear frantic yells coming from inside.

"I've been looking for you!" Tom said.

"I was just lying hear waiting for Cleveland... what's going on in there? I can't get in because the door's locked!" Quagmire asked in concern.

"He must be having another frantic seizure. He had one like this yesterday."

"My God!"

"Look, don't worry Quagmire... just stay out of his way for now. I'll talk with him, but I also need to talk with you when I'm done."

"Okay." Quagmire ran off as Tom look a paper clip and opened the door to find Cleveland lying on the ground, huffing and puffing.

"Sir are you alright?!"

"What the hell do you think?! I just had another seizure!"

"Calm down. Look, I have a proposition for you."

"It better be good! All this talk of my wife cheating... I'm not convinced... I need better proof!"

"Well that's why I'm here. Little did you know Quagmire was just outside waiting to talk to you. I managed to sneak him away for now, but he will be back. Hide in your closet: I'll bring him in and coax him into confessing about Lois. Got that?"

Cleveland slowly got up and sighed, "alright Tom, this better not be a trick!"

"It isn't!"

Cleveland left the door to the closet open just a crack as Tom called Quagmire back inside.

"Hey... where's Cleveland?" Quagmire asked, looking around.

"Oh he's gone. Left to get some water and a wet towel to cool himself."

"Alright. So... what do you need to talk to me about?"

"I just wanted to ask about you about your girl... if you know what I mean?" Tom was really asking about Connie.

"Oh she's fantastic!"

"I can't imagine how much she must love you."

"Love me?! HA! The poor thing!"

Cleveland glared, _look at him laugh... the jerk!_

"No I'm serious... she probably wants to get married." Tom continued.

"Yeah probably, but she's only good for sex. Just over and over again! I'm not sure she'd make a good wife! I mean... she'd make everything dirty, not clean!" Quagmire laughed.

Cleveland was now clenching his fists.

"Tell me again how you two started going out." Tom asked, secretly urging Cleveland to listen with his right hand.

"Well it all started one day when I was talking to some Venetians, and she just ran up and started hugging me all silly like. She was all 'oh you're just a big man! I want to feel your muscles!' I'm not even that physically ripped!"

_Hey! I'm more muscled than that twig!_ Cleveland thought.

"So I was like, 'okay... you're cute. I'll give you that. But it's going to take a lot more than hugging and kissing to win me over. So she started grabbing-"

At that moment, Connie burst into the room.

"Whoa! How did you get in here?!" Quagmire jumped.

"You're a fucking creep! You expect me to believe that you 'found' this beautiful piece of tapestry?!" Connie held out the handkerchief and threw it at his feet.

_That's my handkerchief!_ Cleveland screamed in his mind.

"Baby come on! I wasn't lying!"

"Bullshit! Some other slut gave that to you didn't they?! I thought we were meant to be together!"

"Well in retrospect-"

"Forget it! I never want to see you again!" With that, she walked out and slammed the door.

"Uh... maybe you should go after her." Tom suggested.

"Yeah... she'll start throwing a fit in the streets if I don't."

"Well then don't waste time! Go!" Tom pushed him out comically, and when the coast was clear, ushered Cleveland out of the closet.

"Okay, I've heard all I needed to hear." Cleveland said, "how are you going to murder him?"

"Whoa whoa whoa! Jumping straight ahead aren't we?"

Cleveland gently picked up his prized handkerchief, which was covered in dirt by now. "Lois was the world to me... she was one of the most sweetest, beautiful, and truthful women I've ever known. And now this happens! She means nothing to me! Lois might as well die tonight and I wouldn't give a damn!"

"Well I mean... there is the option of just letting this thing go on interrupted."

"Fuck that! I'll chop her to pieces! She cheated on me with my own officer!"

"You do have a point about that... boy that sounds worse the more I think about it."

"We'll poison her! Yeah! That'll work!" Cleveland suggested, to which Tom shook his head.

"No no... you want to strangle her in her own bed... the one she contaminated. It's cleaner, quicker, and there's no weird vomiting."

"That's even better!"

"And like I said before... I'll kill Cassio. I'll explain more tonight."

"Good deal."

At that moment, they could hear trumpets outside.

"What's that?" Cleveland asked.

"Oh yeah! It's Chris! He said he was coming tonight." Tom replied, stroking his mustache.

"Let's go meet them."

...

Chris walked up with some servants, as Cleveland and company walked up to meet them. Lois was there too.

"What's up people?!" Chris greeted happily.

"Hello Chris. Pleasure to see you again." Cleveland extended his hand to shake.

"The Duke sends his wishes as well." Chris returned the gesture.

"Hi cousin!" Lois ran up and hugged.

"Sup?" Tom added.

"Thank you all so much for this." Chris bowed, "where's Quagmire? I expected him to be present."

"Oh he's-" Cleveland began, only to be cut off by Lois.

"There's been a little stiff between him and Cleveland. It's something you could fix." Lois offered.

"Oh yeah... right." Cleveland sneered.

"Excuse me?" Lois turned.

"Nothing."

"Anyway." Chris continued, "that's terrible to hear."

"I know! I really want to help him! I care so much for Quagmire." Lois said.

"Shit!" Cleveland yelled to himself.

"What is it honey?" Lois asked again, worried.

"Just thinking about something else."

"Yeah... Cleveland I have this message for you." Chris handed it to him, to which he read until he looked up with a defeated look.

"They want me to go back to Venice... and make Quagmire become the governor here." Cleveland read.

"Oh that's wonderful!" Lois exclaimed happily, to the point which Cleveland back-handed her in the cheek.

"You devil! You'd like that wouldn't you?!" Cleveland screamed, causing everyone to taken back a bit.

"I don't deserve this! What's gotten in to you?!" Lois cried.

"Holy crap Cleveland! This is strange behavior even for you! You should apologize." Chris finally spoke.

"Never! I just want her out of my sight! Get out of here you rat-faced whore!" Cleveland demanded, to which Lois began slinking away in pain.

"As you wish honey."

Cleveland began calming down only slightly, "Sir I'm terribly sorry for putting you through this."

"It's no trouble... but I still think that was a bit off. You're still good about Quagmire though?"

"Ugh... yeah. I will always follow the Duke's orders. I'll be back home soon."

"Good!"

"Please come in for dinner, we're having native food."

"Sounds delightful."

As Cleveland walked away, Chris turned to Tom and began whispering, "this is certainly not the calm man I remember back in Venice. Do you know anything about this?"

"Not a clue sir."

...

"Tell me the truth Joyce... was Lois sleeping with Quagmire?" Cleveland asked, the two alone in their room.

"No! To be honest I haven't suspected anything as of yet."

"But you've seen them together?"

"Yes." Joyce frowned, "but there was nothing wrong!"

"I see." Cleveland simply blinked and looked away.

Joyce began pleading, "please sir! She's a good woman! Even if you have the slightest doubts about her, you should abandon them all right now! If anyone has made you think so then they should be cursed! Please believe me!"

"You know what... bring her in here. Go on." Cleveland ushered her to leave, and she came back with Lois just as asked.

"What do you want Cleveland?" Lois asked, shaking a bit.

"Um Joyce..." Cleveland began.

"No problem." she simply walked out and closed the door.

"Look into my eyes sweetie... look at me." Cleveland spoke.

"Honey if there's something wrong you have to tell me. I don't understand what's going on!"

"Who are you Lois?"

"You're loyal, trusting wife."

"Oh really?"

"Yes! How is it so hard to understand that?"

"Admit it Lois! You've been unfaithful."

"Unfaithful?! With whom? How?"

"You know what? Forget it! Get out of my sight!" Cleveland began tearing up.

"Please! Please speak to me! This has been a horrible day... why are you acting like this?!"

"The entire world could have humiliated me and I still would have coped. But when my own wife, my very heart and soul, has the audacity to break our very bonds... that's too much!"

"I hope you understand that no matter what you think, I'll always be faithful to you."

"You're lying!" Cleveland was angry now.

"What Cleveland, WHAT?! What have I done to you? Have I harmed you unintentionally?"

"Yes! You're a whore Lois! You cheated our marriage!"

"You're insane! I have done nothing!"

"So you're saying you're not a whore?"

"Yes!"

"Is such a concept possible?"

"What?!"

"I'm sorry... I thought you were the truthful woman who married me. You're just a demon!"

Cleveland stomped his way to the door and opened it just as Joyce was about to.

"If you say a word to anybody about this I will kill you where you stand!" he yelled as he continued walking.

Joyce stepped in to find Lois sobbing loudly on her bed.

"Lois what happened now?!"

"I don't know Joyce. I'm so shocked right now..." Lois sniffed.

"Please tell me." Joyce sat next to her and patted her back.

"I can't."

Tom entered, looking around before spotting his wife. "Oh there you are! Joyce we have dinner remember?"

"Tom, Lois is upset!"

"What's wrong?" Tom asked in concern.

"It's Cleveland. He has this ridiculous claim that I cheated on him with some random person." Lois replied.

"He called her a whore so many times that it could make any other good person fall in disgust." Joyce added.

"Now that's absurd! How does somebody even think up such claims?" Tom questioned.

"I have no idea." Lois sobbed.

"Only a master villain could fill somebody's head full of lies like that. As if he or she wanted to get a position or something."

"Uh, I doubt such a person exists." Tom looked suspiciously.

"And if there is, then let him rot! Whoever did this to Cleveland should be beaten senseless until he can't even feel himself think!" Joyce yelled.

"Keep your voice down." Tom demanded.

"No! I have the right to speak! Such evil human beings should be disposed on immediately, so that they can't contaminate the lives of such good people!"

"I said shut up!"

"What am I going to do Tom?!" Lois asked, "I need to win back the love of my husband! Won't you talk to him?"

"It's probably just a phase... I wouldn't worry about it." Tom assured.

"I don't know." Lois started, only to be cut off by trumpets.

"Oh! That's the signal that dinner is ready. Go down, wash your face, and just forget about this for now." Tom led the two downstairs and followed slowly, only to be stopped by Peter.

"Boy where the hell have you been buddy?" Tom asked, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Tom... I'm starting to get the feeling that you're not treating my right." Peter quietly, innocently said.

"What?! Whatever do you mean?"

"Every single day you send me off to do some dumb little chore, bringing up my hopes that I'll manage to win Lois' love because of it. It's like you're preventing me from making progress."

"Come on!"

"No! You're being a dumb-butt! I have no money, no home, nothing! I even gave you my precious jewels to give to Lois! You said you did, but I haven't heard anything from her yet! It's been several days!"

"Okay."

"Okay? OKAY? This isn't okay! I feel like I'm being cheated!"

"Fine."

"Don't tease me! I want this to work Tom Tucker! If not, I'll... I'll... I'll challenge you to a duel!"

"Peter Peter Peter..." Tom crossed his arms, "I admire your strength. You've just proven to me that you have guts. While I understand your arguments and accusations, I assure you our plan is working and we're making progress."

"I'm not following you."

"Venice has just appointed Quagmire as the governor of Cyprus."

"Then that means that Cleveland and Lois are going back home!"

"Precisely! Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"Unless something happens to Quagmire that makes Cleveland stay."

"What do you mean 'unless something happens'?"

"I mean I want you to kill Quagmire."

"Me?! All by myself?"

"Oh heavens no. I'll be there. See: tonight Quagmire is going to see his prostitute friend. He's going to cross a dark field of trees. I'll stop on by and distract him while you come in and stab him in the back! If there does turn out to be a struggle, it still will be two against one. We'll be unstoppable."

"Boy... and this will help me get Lois?"

"You know it!"

"Then I'll do it! Tonight... Quagmire dies!"

...

"Lois, I'm going out for a walk with Chris. Go up to bed and stay there. Make sure Joyce isn't with you when I get back. It will be quick." Cleveland ordered.

"Okay honey." Lois silently walked upstairs to her room and shut the door. Joyce was sitting on the bed petting a cat.

"So... how was it? Is he at least better than before?" Joyce asked.

"He wants me to stay in here for a bit until he gets back... and he wants you gone when he does."

"Gone? Why?"

"I have no idea. It's what he wants. Give me my nightgown Joyce, I don't want to displease him."

"You know Lois." Joyce began, handing her the clothes, "I wish you had never met Cleveland."

"Oh don't be silly... I still love him even if he's in a bad mood."

"I still think you shouldn't have to put up with his shit."

"It's for the best... if I die here tonight, wrap me in my own wedding gown."

"What? Goodness you're talking of death! Nothing's going to happen."

"You never know..."

_**End of Act Cuatro**_

_To be concluded, _

_**Hank_o_Holic**_


	5. Act 5

**Othello**

...

**The End is Here!**

_**Act Cinco**_

_The Streets of Cyprus_

"Okay Peter... just stand behind this tree. When he comes, you stab him as hard and as far as you can! Don't think, don't blink, just do it quickly." Tom advised.

"You're still going to be nearby right? In case I mess up?" Peter asked, nervous.

"Of course I will... you won't mess up." Tom smiled.

Tom simply lied in a ditch as the footsteps of Quagmire grew louder. Peter was sweating bullets and holding the sword with both hands. Just as Quagmire came close enough, Peter rushed out.

"Die!" he screamed as he simply dented the sword on Quagmire's chest.

"HA! Whoever you may be villain, you should know the great Quagmire is well armored!" Quagmire laughed as he took out his own sword and sliced Peter well across his side. Yelling in pain, Peter fell over and fainted.

Tom gasped and jumped out of the crevice in time to cut the back of Quagmire's foot with his sword. The man fell likewise, clutching gushing wound.

"DAMN IT! AUGH! HELP! HELP!"

Tom stayed hidden in the ditch, the darkness helped conceal him.

Cleveland was still walking with Chris (and Adam West, Chris' brother, who joined in) when he heard the screams.

He smiled to himself. _Tom's done it! Good work!_

"Ha ha! Nicely done stranger!" Cleveland applauded, "where's that genius Tom?"

"Cleveland what is wrong with you?! Call a surgeon!" Quagmire pleaded.

"I'm on it!" Cleveland lied, heading back to his castle.

"My goodness! What's happened here?!" Chris yelled.

"Someone sliced my fucking leg! That's what's happened! Where are the guards?!" Quagmire exclaimed.

"Ooh!" Peter began coming to. "What happened? OMG my side!"

"Wait... there's more than one person here!" Adam realized, and knelt beside the fallen Peter.

Tom finally felt it necessary to reveal himself. Chris was happy.

"Oh thank God you're here!" Chris said. "Quagmire's been attacked!"

"WHAT?!" Tom yelled, "Who did this to you?!"

"I think it was that man over there... whoever he is..." Quagmire croaked, "I think I managed to cut him."

"So... you like hurting important peoples don't you?" Tom walked over to Peter, motioning his hand to let Adam aside. "You should know I'm a very good friend to this man. You villain!"

With that, Tom stabbed Peter in the chest. With one last look of betrayal and sadness, Peter died.

"Good work Tom! I like a man of justice!" Adam cheered.

"What about Quagmire?!" Chris cried.

"I'll bind his wounds with my coat. Give me a light." Tom began tending to Quagmire when Connie showed up.

"What's with all the yelling?" Connie asked until she looked at her wounded former lover.

"QUAGMIRE!" she knelt beside him, "what happened?!"

"I thought you never wanted to see me again?" he quietly asked.

"I'm sorry... I've been a fool!"

"What a dumb bitch..." Tom whispered, before turning to Chris & Adam. "We need a stretcher."

"Wasn't Cleveland supposed to be back by now?" Chris asked, looking every which-way.

"Luckily I have a convenient mini-stretcher in my back pocket." Adam surprisingly pulled an entire stretcher from Hammer-Space.

As the men hauled Quagmire onto the stretcher, Joyce ran to the scene.

"What wrong honey?! I heard screaming." she asked.

"Quagmire's was attacked by Peter... which I took care of." Tom replied.

"What?! Oh no! Is he okay?"

"He's fine... look, just go to the castle and alert Cleveland and Lois of what just happened."

_Oh my God... this will either make me or break me._ Tom thought, unsure.

...

Cleveland quietly stood at Lois' bedside, watching her sleep. Contemplating everything, he lit a wall candle and nudged his wife awake.

Lois stirred and looked up at him. "Cleveland?"

"Yes dear... it's me." Cleveland quietly said.

"Are you coming to bed?"

"No. But you better brace yourself right now... this is your last night on Earth."

"What are you talking about?" Lois whimpered, "why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm going to kill you Lois." Cleveland walked closer, causing Lois to back away to the wall.

"Wa-What? Cleveland..."

"You have wronged me by sleeping with Quagmire."

"Is that who you were talking about? I never-"

"I have irrefutable evidence that you committed adultery. You violated the sanctity of our marriage. You shall be given your punishment."

"The only thing I've done that was a crime was love you too much!"

Cleveland simply picked up her pillow, "hold still."

"Stop! Please! This is insanity! I didn't sleep with him!" Lois began crying.

"This will only take a second."

"Let me live, please! If anything for another second!"

"It is too late."

Cleveland planted the pillow right on her face, causing her to shake her arms at a desperate attempt to save her life. Her muffled screams could be heard through the fabric. It was all in vain as she began to calm down and succumb to death. Cleveland hesitated, waited a minute, and slowly took the pillow off. He had done it.

Sighing, he threw the pillow across the room and lied against the bed. He would've stayed there had he not heard the echoing calls of Joyce.

"Cleveland! Are you there?!"

Panicking, Cleveland covered Lois' body and closed the curtains to the bed.

"Uh... yeah, I'm in here!"

Joyce opened the door, "My lord, Quagmire's been injured in a duel with another man! Some Venetian named Peter."

"Is Quagmire dead?"

"No, he's recovering in the hospital."

"Damn! Then the wrong life has been taken!"

"...what?"

"Uh... nothing." Cleveland, backed against the bed.

Joyce, out of curiosity, stared at the closed curtains. "Is Lois asleep?"

"Uh... yes."

"Well I need to tell her what happened!"

"No wait!" Before he could respond, Joyce ripped the curtains open and shook Lois' body. When she saw that there was no life, she slowly turned to Cleveland.

"What the hell is this?" Joyce shivered.

"Lois is dead... I killed her."

"What?! WHY?!"

"Because she cheated on me... she's a whore!"

"You've lost your mind if you think she cheated on you! She was fair and true!"

"I heard Quagmire say everything! She slept with him! Just ask your husband!"

"My husband... is that where you've been getting this information from?"

"Yes!"

Joyce almost fainted, but managed to keep herself up. Shaking her head, she turned to him once again.

"He was lying! Tom has tricked you!"

"Impossible, he is an honest man!"

"That's a load of shit! My husband has been injecting thoughts into your very skull! Your wife was too attached to your filthy, degrading marriage to do such a thing like that!"

Cleveland drew his sword, "you take that back!"

"You know what? Go ahead and kill me. It won't make you any better!"

"Shut up!"

"I'm not afraid of you, moor! You're a damned fool and a villain! HELP! MURDER!" Joyce began screaming as Joe, Tom, & Adam burst into the room.

"What seems to be the problem here Joyce?" Joe asked.

Joyce ignored everybody and pointed a finger at Tom accusingly. "You... YOU DID THIS! Do you feel good about yourself?!"

"What did he do?"Adam asked.

"I'll tell you what he did... he's filled Cleveland's head with lies that his wife was cheating on him with Quagmire!"

"This is preposterous. I only said what I thought."

"But you did say she cheated on him."

"Yes."

"Well then you're a sick, twisted soul!"

"Keep quiet woman!"

"NO! Because of your actions, Cleveland's gone and killed Lois!"

"WHAT?!" Adam & Joe exclaimed

"That's right! How could you do it Cleveland?! She was my best friend... and a wonderful woman!" Joyce yelled.

"Adam, you're my uncle... you're niece was dirty and deserved this! I do not regret my actions." Cleveland turned to Adam.

"This is terrible! I'm glad Carter isn't alive to hear or see of this incident!" Adam covered his face with his hands.

"When the fuck were you going to tell me that?!" Cleveland stood dumbfounded.

"Never mind that! Joyce, I'm not asking... go home and shut up!" Tom faced his wife.

"The truth must be told!"

Tom drew his sword and pointed it at Joyce, causing everyone to go on alert.

"Tom! What are you doing?! She's your wife!" Cleveland yelled.

"Put down the sword Tucker." Joe wheeled closer.

"You stupid moor! I found your handkerchief by accident and gave it to my husband by request."

"YOU BITCH!" Tom screamed.

" YOU VILLAIN!" Cleveland rushed at Tom, not before he jabbed his sword into Joyce's chest and ran out of the room. Joyce fell over, bearing her teeth and clutching her wound as she died.

"Tom's killed his wife!" Adam ran up to her and felt her pulse.

"Adam, stay here and guard the door from the outside! I want Cleveland kept here. I'll handle Tom." Joe wheeled out.

Adam simply looked at Cleveland and rushed out of the room, shutting the door and locking it.

Cleveland made no move to escape and looked at Joyce's dead body before turning to his wife.

Everything finally became clear.

"What have I done... what have I... done?" He stuttered.

As quickly as they left, Adam and Joe entered with a hand-cuffed Tom. Chris pulled Quagmire in with the stretcher.

"Cleveland-" Chris said, "where are you?"

"You mean the man who used to be Cleveland? I am here." Cleveland walked up to Tom, who looked up with intense hatred.

"You are not my friend." Cleveland punched him right across the face.

"Ha!" Tom sneered, "I may be bleeding, but I'm not dead."

"What do you have to say for yourself Cleveland?" Chris sternly asked.

"I don't know... I'm nothing but an honorable murderer."

"So you do confess to the crime?" Joe asked.

"Yes."

Quagmire began to wake up, "Cleveland..."

"Yes Quagmire?"

"I never gave you any reason to hate me."

"I am so sorry... you are a noble friend Glenn Quagmire. Please forgive me."

"I do... but I want this bastard to pay!" Quagmire nodded towards Tom.

"And what do you have to say for yourself?" Joe asked.

"Nothing... I'm not saying a word!" Tom exclaimed.

"Don't worry about that... torture will make you talk." Adam glared.

"Cleveland, we found this note in Peter's coat pocket, it tells us everything we need to know - they two planed on killing Quagmire for quite a while now." Joe explained, showing the note.

"My God!" Cleveland cried.

"And it also states Tom's feeling towards you two. He was jealous of Quagmire's position and wanted to get him demoted - he also wanted you to suffer for your choices." Joe continued.

"Past aside," Chris began, "Cleveland, you are to come back to Venice immediately. You're stripped of your title, your power, and your command. These crimes will not go unpunished. Do you understand?"

Cleveland looked towards the ground and sighed, a single tear shed from his eye.

"I understand. But before you go... tell everyone my story."

"I'm sorry?" Chris questioned.

"Tell them of the once great Cleveland, who had a wonderful life and a beautiful love, and destroyed it out of his own actions and emotions. Don't exaggerate anything... don't make it dramatic. Be fair. Cleveland is to be honored."

Cleveland pulled out a dagger.

"What are you doing?!" Joe exclaimed.

"Tell my story." he stabbed his heart. In pain and bleeding rapidly, Cleveland crawled towards the bed and took one last look at his wife before holding her hand.

He died right there.

Everyone sighed sadly as they watched their former leader lie beside his wife; together in death.

Chris began to walk out of the room.

"Don't worry Cleveland. I'll tell the whole world."

_**Fin**_

_Certain obvious changes aside, this story was a complete reenactment of Shakespeare's epic tragedy. Yes folks... in the true Shakespearian fashion, half the main cast dies. I hope you enjoyed (in your own ways) this classic tale and took something from it. _

_**Hank_o_Holic**_


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